Ben or Jen?

I started a few draft blogposts that were dark and sad.... Im not feeling that now and dont want to spend energy on finishing them. So if I feel the darkness creep back in later I may finish them. But for now It suffices me to say the internal turmoil is strong and it is a consstant rollercoaster. On other news, I am now officially going by Jen she/her at church! Just testing the waters for now....but it feels good! I also have no problem going by Ben he/him which is good because that's how Im referred to everywhere else. So if you know me personally, do what feels best for you. But if you expend the effort to use She/Her at the least, and Jen every so often I will feel thought of, seen, and cared for. My wife also saw me in a dress for the first time. She asked beforehand to see, and didn't say anything about it one way or the other after seeing, and I already know how weird I look so I didn't really press for feedback. My wife is a huge support and defender though. I rece...

 Well, as this is a blog about my journey, and I let the ball slip on something BIG... So with that spoiler, I will start little and  work up to the bigness. So The wife and I have been working on compromises. Our therapist (who thinks it is ridiculous we are staying together) has told us that to make this work, I need to tell the wife what I want to do. She then needs to decide if that is something she can accept or not and tell me. If it is something she can not accept, then I need to decide if I can go without it or not and we separate, or compromise accordingly. She really likes my arm hair and thinks I look like I have " pre teen girl boobs" when I shave my chest. She also HATES when I change my face with makeup or additional piercings. I also recognize HRT would be a deal breaker. She also dosent want the ally, or trans flag in the yard anymore. And dosent want me to come out on facebook. So I am giving in those areas. She allows me to continue doing my nails, wearing m...