DONT BE WEIRD

 I have never felt so content and at peace with myself.  It has been an extremely emotional and trying month. I could really use good energy and positive thought if you have any to spare. But it is not trans stuff troubling me. Just normal life stuff. That said, in the past, whenever I had any sort of emotional hardships it would always spiral into dysphoria. I used to say “all roads lead to dysphoria”. I don’t know if it is because I have breasts now, and my boobs are not attached to weather I am wearing a bra or not. Or if I have met trans girls who don’t pass that I find beautiful.. Or if it is all the mirror work I have been doing. But I hope this shift is my new reality. 

Ally advice time! So I was at a subway getting dinner for work. There was a cis woman in front of me and a cis woman behind me in line. The employee was still helping the woman in front of me, but then said, "ill be with you in a min lady". It sounded weird, and I instantly felt clocked. (being clocked means people know you are trans). Granted I recognize I am very bricky and clockable. But this interaction brought it to my mind instantly and I was feeling self conscious. I did hope she may just have an odd way of speaking so I started to pay attention and noticed she did not call the woman in front of me "lady".  As she started serving me she said, "how can I help you lady". I placed my order, and paid special attention to how she addressed the woman behind me. No "lady". I did start to spiral briefly, but easily regained my composure and coped well. (As I said, I'm doing much better these days). I recognize she meant no harm and was probably just trying to help me feel feminine and seen as a woman. Another experience I had was in an Uber. The driver chatted my ear off the entire time about all the trans and gay people he knows. Again, I instantly felt clocked. But this time I did not spiral at all. (Remember that whole doing better thing I mentioned 😋) I recognize he was probably just trying to help me feel safe. And perhaps brag a bit about his ally status, but it was weird. 

Sooooo... this is a great opportunity to educate the allies out there. The lesson from this is: DONT 👏 MAKE 👏 IT 👏 WEIRD 👏! If you clock a trans woman in the wild, treat her like you would treat any other woman. There is absolutely no need to make her feel extra feminine or seen or anything. If you do want to say something kind (as discussed in previous posts), be sure it is sincere, and something you would also compliment any other woman for. Like a cute top, or great nails, or if you like their super cute shoes you can ask where she got them, etc... And if you want to make them feel safe around you, give a friendly smile, or wear a pride pin or something.

Finally, I will leave this post with a note of encouragement for all my trans siblings who are in the thick of things right now. *WITH A TRIGGER WARNING FOR MENTIONING PAST THOUGHTS OF SUICIDAL THOUGHTS. (see resources to the left of my landing page if you need help) I am at a place I never thought possible! Looking back I cant believe where my life is today. I am so happy and so fulfilled! Transitioning has not always been easy. And it happens way slower than we want. And sometimes it seems like we will never see ourselves in the mirror, or feel fully authentic. There were heavy thoughts of suicide sprinkled in the process of my transition story. I can't promise they are 100% behind me. But life gets easier and easier every day!  Life has gone from kinda bearable, to chaos, to amazing! Transitioning is a super slow process, and I am still in the middle of it. But, It does get better and it does get easier. Whatever stage you are in, and whatever you are currently working on, you will get there with time and effort.  Hang in there and don't give up when you cant seem to see the results you were hoping for right away. They are on their way! You are loved, you are seen, and you are worth it!

Ill leave you with a candid car pic from a day I was feeling extra cute.